she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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