the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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