I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
