dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
