THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
