Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
