Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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