dude i'm inner monologue high
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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