I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
