Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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