Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
