brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
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