Christians are straight up FREAKS
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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