i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
