Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
