so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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