Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
