i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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