dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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