I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I would fuck him just for his dog
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
