Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
