I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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