hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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