well most of my day revolves around power hour
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
