It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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