I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
