Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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