You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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