I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
