how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
