you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
