They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
sex in a hospital.. check
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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