Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
