Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
