if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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