I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
