I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
