Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
