I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
