This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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