all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
did i walk over a car last night?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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