went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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