My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I love having hate sex.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
