My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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