the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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