My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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