So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
