Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I think people are normalizing furries
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
