We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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