some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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