I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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