I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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