Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
