Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
